Dear Jess,

Thank you for your long and very welcome letter - I found it so full of interest, particularly the description of your recent, rather harrowing, experience. It doesn't matter that you don't know why this happened to you - there will be fruit out of it regardless, you can be sure. The Holy Spirit's work in and through you does not depend on you knowing such things any more than your digestion depends on you knowing biochemistry.

But to get straight to your question, you asked if it's wrong for a Christian to try to keep "a whole lot of rules". You see what seems to be a contradiction - a life that is disciplined and yet the need to be "kind of spiritual as well". So you want to know how to resolve this contradiction (assuming, of course, that there is one).

Some Christians regard a moral life as sufficient, and so they set themselves some rules which, without discomfort or difficulty, they follow, may I say, religiously. They don't drink, don't smoke, don't swear and they are careful with money - careful to earn it and to keep it. Such a life fails on two counts: first, because a merely moral life is not a spiritual life, and second, because they are not living out of a relationship with the Lord, but only following rules. Anyone should be able to see that such a life is no more than a poor, and deadly, imitation of our high calling. Rules are never a substitute for relationship.

But it is wonderful that while still in your youth you have already seen the need for personal discipline. The dead patch last year - you described it then, I think, as "mindless, pointless drifting" - seems to have played a part in this. But you recognise that even though discipline is worthwhile, it necessarily requires some rules that you set for yourself and which you try to keep. They might be positive or negative - "I will do this" or "I won't do that". Either way, they are rules, and I agree that there is a danger hovering about them.

The danger is that your peace with God ceases to be through the Lord Jesus and slowly, slowly, your performance becomes the ground of your peace. If you do well, then you feel right with God and blessed, but if you slip up or relax a little, it all goes down the drain. And when you think like that, any discipline at all becomes a real chore and God seems more like an unfeeling taskmaster than your Heavenly Father.

So to be kept from this error, we have to cling almost fanatically to the glorious gospel of Christ, where our merits are shown to be utterly worthless and His sacrifice to be everything. By that sacrifice alone are we reconciled to God, now and always - never, never, never by our performance or virtue. Full, perfect and eternal reconciliation was won through the blood of His cross and the incomprehensible power of His resurrection and it's our relationship with Him, through faith, that is our secure foundation and full salvation.

So why, you may ask, is there a need for personal discipline at all? Because our salvation is not yet complete - we are still looking forward to the promised resurrection of the body when the Lord returns. In the meantime, we have three enemies to contend with: the world that rejected and continues to reject Christ, the devil who plotted His betrayal and now seeks to destroy His work, and our own sinful nature that would rather be God than worship Him. Personal discipline is simply our choosing to swim against the current, or currents, so to speak, in order to learn, to grow and to serve the Lord. No-one can live a spiritual life without this type of discipline. I know you are familiar with Paul's reference to athletes and soldiers in his letter to young Timothy. At that time believers did not doubt the need for focus and discipline in what used to be called "this Way".

However, one important question remains - what does a spiritual life look like, and what does it feel like?

Don't be deceived! The Lord Jesus is Himself the perfect example of a spiritual life. If you are told that a certain type of behaviour is of the Spirit, simply ask if it would become the Lord Jesus to behave in that way. The Scripture is clear, "He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked." (1 John 2:6) There is a great deal of nonsense around that some misguided people try to claim is spiritual, but we know the Man from Heaven, and that settles the matter.

Do you imagine that a spiritual person feels very holy and pure? Not so! Unlike the Lord, we have a corrupt and sinful nature that we must deal with daily to ensure that sin does not "reign in our mortal body" (Romans 6:12). As you go on learning to walk in the Spirit you will become even more aware of your corruption, not less so. However at the same time, you will learn to live free from its degrading influence, so you will love more freely and more selflessly. Other people will experience more of Christ in your life, but you won't feel Christ-like at all. Nevertheless, you will know His peace and you will increasingly rejoice in Him. Your cup will run over, goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life, and you will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.

Write soon, if you have time, and tell me what you are finding most helpful. There are many ways to order our lives, and we need to find what is best suited to our own situation and for our own growth in grace.

Everyone here was very encouraged by your news and they all send their love. 

Yours in the bonds of Christ and fellowship,

N.